These bloggy writings will not be a simple diary of late night, sleepless musings, for I am too fine and accomplished a man for such unwon vanity. In my magnanimity I have decided to share with you the methods and results of my ingenious new money-making experiment enabling you, hopefully, to put the selfsame practices into effect and cash, cash, cash in. As I surely, undoubtedly, shall.
I will now recount how this amazing idea came to me and show, to you, the proof and massive wealth of it's potential success. It was a brisk Tuesday morning in Cornwall and as usual I was taking a quiet brunch libation in the Hedgehog and Bucket. It has become a regular custom of mine to unfold myself into the day in this manner with a pint and a paper so as I can brace myself with the affairs of state, the dealings of government, the machinations and plots of our foreign cousins and soforth and soforth. It also gives me time to check the horse racing form before the betting shop opens and my days labours begin.
While I was was deep in my studies and strategies Whispering Jimmy came into the bar in a state of great excitement, 'Drinks all round.' he shouted. I didn't hear him because he talks very quietly which is why of course he's called Whispering Jimmy. Anyway Ethel behind the bar shouted across to me, 'Oi! Norman, Jimmy's buying you a pint.' accustomed as she was to acting as a loudhailer for Jimmy and all other sundry gossip of the town.
'Thanks Jimmy, that's very kind of you. Special occasion is it?'
'I should say Normie, I should say. Had a bit a luck.'
As something of a gambler myself this pricked my ears, 'Horse come in has it?'
'Not a horse mate, just won £250 on a scratchcard didn't I.'
£250!? This was serious money certainly a very great deal more than my arduous efforts in studying the form and the track had ever garnered me. Why with £250 I could finally afford a cocaine problem. And to think that the whole time all this bounty was just sitting there in newsagents waiting for the taking. Immediately the mote was lifted from mine eyes and I saw the light and the way.
So now I have decided to devote my gambling energies to scratchcards. I invite you to keep track of my efforts as I begin this undertaking bringing my vast knowledge of hazardry to bear upon these magic tickets and you will be the first to learn the key to unlocking the vast profits held secret in your local corner shop. Admittedly this experiment is not without a degree of pecuniary risk, but I will break open the twenty pee jar so I've got the stake money covered. The winnings will be mine but the wisdom of experience will be yours for free.
Until next time stay lucky,
P.S I'll publish the results of each and every scratchcard with analysis on Twitter so be sure to
follow me. Not sure what the address for that is but I think just looking for Norman Plum will do.
If there's more than one I'll be the one that looks like me and talks about scratchcards.